Please note: The reflections and opinions expressed in this piece are those of the author and are shared in the spirit of personal faith and contemplation. They do not necessarily reflect the official views of the Diocese of Palmerston North.
As a 21-year-old woman, I did not expect myself to plan a solo trip to Canada and actually go. I realise that Our God is a God of spontaneity, who loves making a way when we take a leap of faith. Although I knew nobody there, I knew that God would be. I knew He was saying, ‘Hang on to the hem of my garment.’
At the heart of my three-week journey was the 5-day Ignatian Spirituality Silent Retreat. This was in Montreal at Villa Saint-Martin. Upon my arrival, I had to be honest with myself. I hadn’t been making time to truly listen to God’s voice, and as a result, I was beginning to feel the effects of compassion fatigue. Prior to the retreat, I visited Saint Joseph’s Oratory. This is where Saint André Bessette, the patron saint of caregivers, rests. I was drawn to the prayer which asked for his intercession for ‘the strength to love,’ even when feeling tired. On the retreat, I got to speak with a spiritual director for an hour each day. It was helpful to simply have someone say to me, “Did you talk to God about that?” I then let myself sit among the rocks by the lake for hours, undisturbed, and enjoyed my conversations with God. I know that God speaks with all of us in unique ways, and words are definitely one of his ways of communicating with me.
It was a call back to my creativity, and a reminder that I have to commit to being compassionate with myself too. There were art workshops, prayerfully structured, to invite God to use our hands to create for His glory. There was a prompt question before creating, “God, what intention are you putting on my spirit right now?” Then, after creating, “God, what are you showing me and teaching me in this?” I only had 15 minutes to make something, so I had no time to overthink or be a perfectionist about it, especially because dinner would be next and I wasn’t about to miss out on that. Yet, it was some of the most beautiful artwork I’ve ever made with clay, pastels, and paper collages.
I have always known that creativity is a part of who I am, but have often not made it a priority. God revealed to me that creativity is what brings me joy because it brings me closer to Him. I can no longer make the excuse that “I have no time in the day,” because there is always 15 minutes available. That could mean going for a walk, painting, playing the piano, singing, or writing. It was never about lessening my compassion for others, but showing myself more compassion by creating as an act of self-love.
We can become so engrossed with daily busyness that we forget to allow God to fill our cups. It doesn’t need to be anything extreme: just intentional time to ask God how you can use your gifts for the joy of others and your own happiness, and to say, “I trust You to love me.”
I became aware of God’s love in a different light. I was so used to Him rescuing me from strife that I forgot His faithfulness in the times of celebration. I am so blessed I had the means to go on a trip for myself and get to do so much that excited my most authentic self: such as attending a musical organ concert, visiting Saint Marguerite Bourgeoys, and seeing a relic of Saint Anne.
God is the one who is with you, who is getting joy out of making you happy.
